Imagine for a moment that you’re writing an ad selling a video that shows golfers how to lower their golf score. An obvious benefit headline might be:
“Lower Your Golf Score.”
And once upon a time, this simple statement of benefit might have been sufficient to sell the video. It’s what your prospects want, after all.
The problem is, this promise is vague, flat and, worst of all, is the same old thing they’ve been promised again and again. And therefore much too easy for the prospect to glance at the headline, shrug his shoulders and move on.
There are several ways you could improve this headline. The first and most obvious would be to add the words “How to” or “How You Can” before the main promise. This has been proven time and time again to lift response.
Then perhaps add some specificity — another proven response booster. So your new headline might look like this:
“How to Lower Your Golf Score By Up to 10 Strokes”
Your headline is getting better, but you can do better still by beefing up the promise even further. This time you add a couple of additional benefits that also explain how the primary benefit of lowering your golf score is achieved.
And while you’re at it, you might as well replace the boring word “lower” with the more powerful word “slash.” With these change your headline now looks like this:
“How to Add 50 Yards to Your Drives, Eliminate Hooks and Slices, and Slash Your Golf Score By Up to 10 Strokes Almost Overnight”
Can you see how much better this is than the original, “Lower Your Golf Score”? It’s a solid headline that would probably sell a lot of videos.
But still, they’ve seen promises like this before, so the headline needs something more.
How about a story or a twist that hooks your prospects and sends their curiosity into overdrive.
Perhaps even something like this from my old friend copywriter extraordinaire John Carlton — a classic headline for an ad that ran for more than eight years in golf magazines:
“Amazing Secret Discovered By One-Legged Golfer Adds 50 Yards to Your Drives, Eliminates Hooks and Slices… and Can Slash Up to 10 Strokes From Your Game Almost Overnight”
What John has done is made a powerful and specific promise that meshes perfectly with what his prospects want — and he’s added a paradoxical story that instantly activates their innate curiosity and practically compels them to read the ad.
It’s a powerful old school copywriting technique that has been used over and over to improve the pulling power of countess ads and sales letter.
Here are a few classic — and highly successful — headline examples
“How a Fool Stunt Made Me a Star Salesman”
“How I Made a Fortune With a ‘Fool Idea’”
“How a Bald-Headed Barber Helped Save My Hair”
“How Doctors Stay Well While Treating Sick People All Day”
“How a Strange Accident Saved Me From Baldness”
The lesson: When you set out to write your next ad or sales letter, search out and use intriguing stories to illustrate the benefits of what you’re selling. When it comes to getting readership, there’s nothing more powerful and compelling.
